Thursday, March 12, 2009

There will be a day with no more tears...

These words have unfortunately become far too common in my life....

So today was the big testing date.  I really have known in my heart since Monday that I wasn't pregnant.  So I had already grieved a bit.  But still...seeing those words and then having to hear the nurse say, "I'm sorry Lindsey.  Your test was negative." is just hard to deal with.  I just wanted to cry.  So that's what I did while driving down I65.  I barely held it in until I could get off of the phone.  For some reason I want to act like I am so OK with it to the nurse.  I don't know why.  She knows that I am upset.
I feel like God has really blessed me with being able to find out the results of the cycle on this date.  We are leaving for San Juan tomorrow to go on a cruise and I feel like it will just be a relaxing, carefree vacation.  I won't have to wonder if I am pregnant and be consumed with that the whole time.  I can just forget about it and have fun!
The song that is playing right now on the blog is a song I turned on today(not really thinking about what it was about, just that I hadn't listened to it for awhile) and God just spoke to me and I cried and cried and just thanked God for loving me so much and never leaving my side even though sometimes it is hard to feel Him there.  I  know the song is about heaven and when we get there, there will be no more pain or tears, etc.  But I truly believe that on this side of heaven there will be a day of no more tears for all of us on this road of Infertility.  God will eventually bring us to the place where He wants us and I know there will be peace there...wherever that might be.  Listen to this song and the words.  You can start it over if you haven't been paying attention to it:).
Thanks for all of the prayers and comments!  I love you all!  I won't be on here for a little over a week because I will be on my cruise, but I will "see" you all when I get back!
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28


Dave and Elaine said...

I am so sorry to hear this and know your pain is all too familiar. I pray God comforts your heart. The timing of your cruise is just wonderful! Enjoy every min.

The Patterson's said...

Oh Lindsey...I am so sorry!! :-(

Enjoy your trip! It is perfect timing! My husband and I went on a cruise out of San Juan in 2007. Ours was a 7 day on Carnival...just curious if it is the same one?

G & H said...

Aw Lindsey! I am so sorry... I know the sting of those two stupid words..." not pregnant" Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and will say a special prayer for you tonight

Enjoy your vacation to the fullest!

BLessings to you!


Helen :) said...

Lindsey, I am thinking of you right now. Stupid test. I hope you have a great vacation... I don't know anyone that deserves it more. You are an inspiration to me. :) I'll be thinking of you guys. Have all the fun in the world dearie!

all my love & prayers.


Michelle said...

I am sad with you, but I agree with you that God has blessed you with knowing the result before you leave. I know God is going to bless you with a wonderful trip and a "break" from the daily grind of this journey. I will pray that as you soak up that warm sun that He will ease this hurt in your heart and continue to bring you the hope that will eventually lead you to that day your heart longs for.

Barren Womb said...

I am so sorry to hear it is not positive. I do hope that you have a very nice vacation together.

Stephanie RN BSN (to be!) said...

I'm so sorry for your disappointment.

Not sure how I found your blog, but I noticed you are from the Indy area just like me. Hope it's ok if I follow your journey.

Sending prayers your way for a beautiful baby very soon!