Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Life's Not Fair, but God is Good

I won't get the official news until tomorrow, but we aren't pregnant. I took my first test 9dp3dt(I also took one 10dp3dt and 11dp3dt). I took the most sensitive test(first response...the one that gave me a false positive back in December the morning my beta was 12). I knew then that it was over. It was pretty sad. I laid in bed and held the picture of our babies and cried and Rob came into the room and crawled in bed with me and said, "you took a test?". I said yes. We just laid there for a long time. At that moment, as sad as I was, I trusted God's plans more than I ever have. I can't explain that except that God is working in our lives through all of this pain. It doesn't take away the sadness, but it makes the hope stronger.

I thought the title of this post was fitting since this was Norm's quote(our great family friend, who passed away April 1st of this year) and tomorrow would have been her birthday(the day we get the official news). This news doesn't change who God is. Believe me I could go on and on about people that keep having babies and don't have custody of any of them or people who beat their kids to death and I DO ask God about that...why do you keep giving them babies? That's not fair! But God reminds me that He is Good and has great plans for our lives and just to trust him. So I think I'll focus on that instead. God knew the outcome of this IVF cycle long ago and no matter how shaken I am by this, He's not shaken!(one of my favorite songs right now by Phil Stacy-You're not shaken)

my fav part of that song....
"I am trembling in the darkness of my own fear
All the questions with no answers
So grip me while I’m here
And I may never know why
Oh I may not understand
But I will lift up my eyes,
and trust this is Your plan"

When every little thing that I dream of being just slips away like water through my hands
And when it seems the walls from my beliefs come crashing down like they’re all made of sand
I won’t, let go of You now
because I know, oh, You’re not shaken

Thanks for all of your prayers throughout the process of IVF cycle#1. Yes I said #1...we might actually try this again, although right now I think we will just take a break. We have to for financial reasons anyway. Please continue to pray for God to show us His plans. He might have plans for us to adopt or try this again or even something else to bring us our baby.


Alex and Jill said...

I don't even know what to say. I so remember that disappointing feeling. I'm so sorry.

So it's for sure? There's no way that your beta could show a different result?

Praying for you guys during this difficult time.


Anonymous said...

Lindsey and Rob, My heart is breaking for you both. Please know that I will continue to send up prayer flares on your behalf. Thinking of you....Teresa

Mary Beth said...

Oh, Lindsey, my heart sank when I read your news. ::hugs:: Thinking of you...Mary Beth

The Patterson's said...

Lindsey, I am so sorry!! But, I am glad to hear that you are continuing to trust God through all of this.

Amber said...

Im so sorry to hear your news but we serve a great God and he has great plans for all of us. The road seems long and narrow but I know that he is much greater than us and all the heartbreak will hopefully come to an end soon:)

G & H said...

aw lindsey i was so sad to read this post :( But you are so right our God is so good!!! Hang in there and know you are being thought of and prayed for !

Anonymous said...

Lindsey and Rob, I am so sorry for your pain right now. I do believe that God has a plan for you and you will be greatly rewarded one day times 10. All of this will finally make sense and you will be at peace with everything. I will continue to pray for you during this hard time. Julieq

The Lane Family said...

Sorry seems like such a small word to say to you at a time like this. But I remember feeling so many times the ache and pain of wondering and hoping and then having it ripped away.

The one thing that kept Jim and I going was continuing to trust in the Lord and lean on him.

May the Lord strength and bless you.


I love the song by Phil Stacey and so very true.

Anonymous said...

Lindsey I have to say that reading this actually made me cry, and you probably know I don't do that very easy! Your strength and faith amazes me and motivates me, too. I know some day you and Rob will be blessed with all that you desire. I am just so sorry you have to go through all of this to get there. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love you guys!

Stephanie RN BSN (to be!) said...

I haven't been by for a while, but I wanted to let you know how sorry I am that your IVF wasn't successful. I'm praying that God comforts you and gives you the peace of knowing that He WILL give you a baby...and when He does, it will be the most wonderful experience ever!

You're being covered in prayer.